Most of us have asked ourselves these questions over and over again:
- What is the secret to happiness?
- Why can’t I just be happy?
- What am I lacking?
I know I did. And then there are many more specific questions, such as:
- Why can’t I lose weight permanently?
- What is the secret to earning more money?
- Why am I not further ahead in my career?
- What is the secret to a great relationship, the one I deserve?, etc.
We are trying to figure why don’t we have the body that we want, why don’t we earn more money that will enrich the quality of our lives, why are we not further ahead in life than we should’ve been; “banging our heads against the wall”.
What we don’t realize is that most of the limitations regarding our life, all areas of it, start in our heads. We have certain beliefs about ourselves that become our reality.
At some level, in your head, you are accepting that you deserve less. And that is true for everything: for your relationship, for your body, for your income and so much more.
We all get to have in life what we must have. Unfortunately, certain things in our head are not MUSTS. When you truly believe that you must lose weight – you lose it. People who are not successful in their weight loss journey are saying to themselves that they ‘Should’ lose weight. And you can never be fully committed to the things that are ‘Should’ for you.
The major thing that controls our life is the beliefs that we have. Each one of us has our own beliefs. Some beliefs are ours and some of them we model from other people, from the environment we live in, etc. We have to become conscious of what our beliefs are.
You have to realize that you have two types of beliefs, empowering and limiting beliefs, or better name would be destroying beliefs. Well, they are self-explanatory: empowering beliefs make your life richer, better, give you better quality of life; and your limiting beliefs are destroying your chance for happiness.
To give you an example, my own belief, which is a very common limiting belief was that eating/overeating provides a comfort for me; that I deserve a lot of food at the end of the day as a reward for my hard day and busy life.
Know that Every belief has a consequence, even the one that seems to be the most insignificant belief!
The good news is that you can turn this around. And the only thing you have to do is to change your limiting beliefs. Your life changes the minute you change your destructive belief.
First thing you need to do is to identify your limiting beliefs. Remember that awareness is the key. You need to figure out what are the 3 most destructive beliefs in your life and write them down ( hopefully in your new journal:)).
Next thing you need to do is to write next to each one of those destructive beliefs, what have they cost you in the past and present? What did you miss out on because of these beliefs? How different would your life be if you didn’t have that limiting belief in your life? Spend 5 to 10 minutes on each one and feel the pain that they have caused you. Give a massive amount of pain to those beliefs in the past, present and future.
To give you a more detailed example from my personal experience: One of my limiting beliefs was that food/overeating gives me comfort. And I have listed the things that this belief has cost me:
- I am poisoning myself
- It costs me the body I want
- I am a terrible example to my kids
- I don’t have energy
- I have poor quality of life
- It costs me my family time
- It can never give me fulfillment
- I don’t feel freedom and I don’t have control when I overeat
- It costs a lot of money that could be spent on something so much more meaningful
Then, I thought about what I will gain by eliminating this limiting belief:
- Family Time
- Better skin
- Better quality of life
- Progress feeling
- Body I want
- Sense of achievement
We tell ourselves stories, create fairy tales about our lives, and make ourselves believe that those beliefs are our reality.
You can get rid of your destroying beliefs by simply questioning them. What is ridiculous about this belief? How is this belief can destroy the quality of my life or already did? Get in the state of Certainty. And Your limiting belief will not have the power to control you and your life. Does not matter what happened in the past, you can and you will create new present and a future.
Now write down your empowering beliefs, the ones that enrich and transform your life. Think of 2 or 3 empowering beliefs that you currently own.
Some of the examples of my own empowering beliefs are: “Exercise gives me confidence. Exercise makes my body look great.” “I am an achiever. Whatever I start-I finish, and I get amazing results.”
Then think of 3 more empowering beliefs that you didn’t have, but you will from this day on, and write them down. Next to each one of those empowering beliefs write down why you want them in your life, and how will your life be better with those beliefs present. Make sure to focus on what you want, instead of what you don’t want. For example: “I don’t want to smoke” is not going to work, as your brain registers the word ‘smoke’. And instead there is an opposite effect.
Here is an example of my empowering belief and the reasons why I want it in my life: “Exercise makes me feel great. Besides the obvious effects of losing weight, becoming healthier, exercise gives me so many benefits. I am confident because of exercising. It gives me a sense of accomplishment. I am feeling proud of myself. I am a great role model for my kids. I am very determined and get the results that I want.”
BTW, a belief such as “I am perfect” is not an empowering belief. Try not to go after perfection, as perfection is the lowest standard you can have. Instead of going to perfection mode you go to progress mode. What makes you feel alive is the sense of progress. And real happiness and fulfillment cannot be achieved without progress.
Remember, it only takes a moment to change your life!